Working-session notes · v0.1 draft · circulating for co-authoring
MPD Communications — Working-Session Notes
Moves that landed for Luke O in one drafting session on April 24. Not yet shared canon — circulating to Luke E and Kyle V for pushback, additions, and argument before it becomes a reference any of us rely on.
Framing: this grew out of a single session iterating a missionary-update video and a prayer letter. Patterns that worked for Luke O's specific drafts got captured here. That doesn't mean they generalize. The expectation is that Luke E and Kyle V read it, argue with it, add the moves that worked for them and didn't show up here, and cut or revise anything that doesn't hold under their own drafting pressure. The version number stays at 0.x until all three have drafted something against it and found it useful. Nothing below is a rule yet; everything below is a hypothesis.
1 / Length
Tight is respectful.
Donor attention is short. Compression is respect. A 75-second segment that lands beats a 3-minute segment that meanders.
Rule of thumb: a missionary-update video's development-work segment is 60–90 seconds. A prayer-letter's "here's what I do" section is 150–250 words. Anything longer is almost certainly over-explaining.
2 / Outcomes
Lag measures, not lead measures.
Evangelical donors emotionally buy outcomes, not inputs. This is the single highest-leverage shift.
Lead measures — avoid emphasizing: staff salaries, budget health, campus presence, fundraising totals as ends, administrative structure, "making sure things run."
Lag measures — lean in: student scholarships, conferences attended, scripture-study training, campus evangelism, discipleship rooted, students equipped for global mission, lives changed, gospel proclaimed.
Lead measures make lag measures possible. But when donors read a letter, their emotional engagement is with the lag. Describe the work through the fruit it produces, not the infrastructure it requires.
3 / Numbers
Framed, not flashed.
Big dollar numbers are compelling, but the framing around them does the work. Two failure modes:
Flashed
"My team will help InterVarsity raise half a million dollars this year." Sounds like a brag. Triggers suspicion about selling or performance.
Apologetic
"I know it might sound like we're just chasing money, but…" Pre-emptively apologizing amplifies the very suspicion it's trying to head off.
The right move
Let the number sit plainly, immediately followed by its lag-measure outputs.
"Close to half a million dollars to chapter accounts — money that funds student scholarships, scripture-study training, campus evangelism…" The list does the disarming work automatically.
4 / Acronyms
No acronym apologetics.
Don't explain what GAPS or ACE stands for as acronyms. It makes the program sound like an internal process, not a mission.
Wrong
"I work on GAPS — Giving, Advocating, Praying, and Serving — a program that…"
Right
"Our team is building the connective work that turns a four-year student experience into a lifetime partnership with campus ministry." Names the vision; the acronym is irrelevant.
If you need to name the program, just name it and describe what it does. Skip the letter-by-letter unpacking.
5 / Posture
No self-deprecation, no boast.
Both ends of this spectrum hurt you. The narrow middle is the goal.
Self-deprecation — avoid
"I know it's not as important as what the campus staff do, but…" Reads as fake humility. Donors smell it and adjust downward on credibility.
Boast — avoid
"My work is what makes the rest of the work possible." Reads as self-important, especially to evangelical donors who are alert to pride.
The middle — aim for
Let biblical structure or the work's outputs carry the importance, while you stay plainly located inside the layer.
"Some are called to do the work of ministry. Some are called to equip others for it. Both are biblical. Both are necessary. That's where God has me right now."
6 / Biblical anchors
Honor the role without hierarchy.
When framing the move from campus ministry to Development, pick images that avoid "I moved up" or "I moved down" implications.
Strong anchors:
- Ephesians 4:11–13 — equipping the saints for the work of ministry. Honors the strategic/coaching nature of Development work. Some do ministry, some equip.
- 1 Corinthians 3:5–9 — Paul planted, Apollos watered, God gave the growth. Built-in humility ("neither is anything"); non-hierarchical.
- 1 Corinthians 12 — body of Christ with many members. Simple, universal, zero hierarchy.
Weaker anchor — avoid: Acts 6 (apostles vs. deacons). Carries an implicit up/down, and "serving tables" can read as menial even when the text says both are Kingdom work.
7 / Causal chain
Place the donor inside the chain.
Donors emotionally engage when placed inside the ministry, not adjacent to it. Use traceable causal language.
Outside
"Your giving supports our ministry." Generic. Cold. They're the funder, not the participant.
Inside
"Your gift becomes a conference scholarship becomes a student who hears the gospel for the first time." Specific. Traceable. They're in the chain.
The "becomes X becomes Y" rhythm is the useful rhetorical move.
8 / Vision
Show — don't tell.
Don't label the vision. Let the content cast it.
Telling
"That's the vision — a future where alumni stay connected for a lifetime."
Showing
"Alumni who keep giving, praying, and advocating for the students coming up behind them, decade after decade."
The second sentence is the vision. Naming it as "the vision" is a signpost that weakens it.
9 / Theological register
Public-facing stays broadly evangelical.
For any public-facing ministry communication, default to broadly evangelical vocabulary even when personal convictions run Reformed.
Evangelical-safe — keep: biblical narrative references, Kingdom / gospel / discipleship language, partnership / ministry / mission vocabulary, personal testimony framing.
Avoid in public-facing: Westminster Confession references, "Reformed" / "PCA" / "Presbyterian" self-identification, distinctly Reformed doctrinal vocabulary (covenant theology, regulative principle, federal headship, effectual calling), confessional-subscription framing, catechism citations.
Internal PCA-context material can run Reformed. Public-facing stays evangelical-coded.
10 / Grace notes
Phrases and habits that are actually in the voice.
Some phrases land because they're warm and specific — not despite it:
- "So good to meet you!"
- "I bless you to do what Jesus tells you." (If someone is weighing whether to continue supporting.)
- "I'm grateful for you."
- Occasional emoji (😊) in informal warm contexts, used sparingly.
- Capitalization for emphasis ("So Good," "NOT good dates for me") when it reflects how you'd say it aloud.
Don't scrub these into generic polish. They are the warmth. Scrubbing them leaves the reader with something correct and lifeless.
11 / The pattern
"Here's the shape of my actual job."
The move that unlocks this whole category of communication: answering the question "what do I actually do all day?" clearly, without jargon, without over-justifying, without self-deprecating.
Pick one concrete thread, describe what it looks like, name what it produces, close with a biblical or vision frame. The cohort can each supply different threads — ACE, coaching pipelines, staff onboarding, alumni pipeline design — but the scaffolding is the same:
- One number or one scene that makes the work tangible
- One sentence of vision — what this is building toward
- One or two lag-measure outputs — what the work produces that a donor can see
- One biblical anchor — without hierarchy
That's it. Tight, warm, compelling, honest.
This is a working draft, not a style-police document. Edit it. Add to it. Argue with it. The pieces that survive your actual drafting will be the ones that earn a place. The pieces that don't hold can go. When Luke E and Kyle V have each written something against it, we'll decide what this becomes — or whether it survives at all. Until then it stays at v0.x. Don't share externally.